


Mirjahaal

by Amaranthe (awildlokiappears)



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Liberal Use of Mando'a, Space Lesbian Moms, Start of the Momacule, but it's all interpreted by Shae mostly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27899317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awildlokiappears/pseuds/Amaranthe
Summary: Grief, like so many things, was a burden that Senya put aside for the greater good of the galaxy...but even grief has to come home to roost. And Shae, of all people, knows that best.
Relationships: Senya Tirall/Shae Vizla
Kudos: 4





	Mirjahaal

Quiet statistics in red, cold, unfeeling, and climbing, ticked upwards as the clock steadily counted away the minutes, the hours spent sitting here watching the destruction on the holos before her. Senya Tirall, once Knight-Captain of Zakuul, took a long drink of the tihaar in her hand, and swallowed both the burn of the alcohol and the tears she’d been shedding all day, lost in her grief as she watched Vaylin’s path of destruction reach a crescendo. Arcann had, thankfully, left her alone after his first check in when she’d woken up from the burst of power that had rattled the whole galaxy…as had several others.

Hylo had brought her something to eat, at least, and Senya had thanked her blindly, tears hot on her cheeks, and it was Gault who’d brought her the tihaar, quietly and without judgement, much to her relief…but the next person to enter her small room was a surprise, even to Senya. She studied the redhead before her, feeling both unkempt and yet, uncaring at the sight of Mandalore, her helmet on her hip, while Senya was dressed down in an old tunic and her leggings, long hair unwound in soft waves and hanging heavy over one shoulder. _Waves Vaylin inherited…oh my daughter…_

“…I see where Gault got the good stuff then; I’ll forgive him for stealing it off me this one time.” Senya flushed at that, anger and shame curling in her gut, but Shae simply raised a hand, shaking her head. For all that the woman was a decade older than her, and half a head shorter, she certainly had the presence of a Commander, even more than she herself had. With that, Senya quieted, settling back unsteadily on her small sofa…and Shae set her helmet down, popping off her armor piece by piece until she was down to her soft leatheris gear underneath. The redhead, her blue eyes crinkled with a faint frown, settled on the other end of the sofa and with a flick of the remote, turned off Holonet.

“Mandalore, wait—”

“Shae.” Senya paused, her fear and anger washed away in sudden confusion, and Shae smiled. “Call me Shae. Mandalore is for the battlefield; my name is for my friends.” Senya blinked, feeling a flush touch her cheeks again…but this time for a different reason. _Friends…?_ She could count the number of friends she’d had on one hand, especially now. Usually, it was simply Lana, and occasionally Theron made friendly overtures…but she knew she was too old for their company, and frankly, there was an Alliance to run. But…Shae didn’t make these gestures without reason, the sober, logical part of her brain reminded her, and Senya swallowed the lump in her throat.

“…Shae…why…please, turn it back on.”

“So you can drink yourself to death watching the galaxy burn? Go insane staring at those numbers? No.” Shae shifted, and handed her a flask; Senya took it, but paused, and Shae chuckled. “Go ahead, that’s safe to drink. It’s known as a kolto-banger or koltoshot, we use ‘em to sober up every time. They aren’t the greatest tasting, but they’re easy on the body and you’ll feel better for it. Not to mention it staves off hangovers better’n anything else we’ve tried.”

“…Well, I suppose the Clans would know what works best.” Shae grinned at that, and Senya swallowed the liquid down, grimacing at both the taste and the texture.

“Like fish slime and toothpaste, ain’t it?”

“Ugh, worse, somehow…but you’re right, I feel better…and the aftertaste isn’t nearly as bad.”

“No, it’s something somesuch to do with the stomach acid and other crap I never bothered to learn about; Oggurobb could tell you, but who’d wanna listen that long? Drink some water too with it, you’ll feel better.” Senya obeyed, grateful suddenly for Shae calling the shots; that no-nonsense voice was…calming in a way that Senya hadn’t appreciated much until now. Shae’s smile was softer now, but she seemed to settle into the sofa more, clearly here for the long-haul, and with the Holonet staying off…Senya sighed a little.

“…You want me to talk about this, don’t you…”

“As one mother to another…yes. I do. I can’t stop you from beating yourself up about the past, no, but I can listen to you work through it. I’ve…made my fair sure of mistakes. I’ve buried two children of my body, dozens more of my soul.”

“…you went through all that alone?” Senya knew she sounded horrified, heartbroken for the Mandalorian, and Shae shook her head, smile growing both fond and sad at the same time.

“Aaray…or'trikar…Pain, grief, they have a way of fading with both time and healing, though the scars never fully disappear. But I had friends, I had Clan, and that was…that helped. Clan Ordo helped me bury my daughters…Clan Fett helped me remember them. Mandalore spoke with me for days on end, guiding me through the morass with a care that so many never would have known in him. And when the night is darkest, I sing the songs of my children and my people, I play the drum, I remember. And then I rest, for the morning to come.” She paused, her voice trailing off…and Senya watched her turn to meet her own eyes again, Shae’s as full of pain as her own heart.

“How in the name of your gods have you been able to endure this alone, Senya?” She froze like thranta in fear…and felt her already cracked façade shatter into a million pieces. A sob tore through her throat as the tears burst the dam once more, and Shae was across the cushions in a heartbeat, cradling Senya to her chest and wrapping strong arms about her, hoarse voice soft with a kindness that Senya could only distantly hear. “Oh mesh’la, you haven’t…you haven’t…cry it out…”

Shae held her without complaint for what felt like days, weeks, years…Losing Thexan, losing Valkorion, losing Vaylin so many times…losing her Knights, the children she knew she would lose but loving them all the same…losing Arcann, and working so hard to bring him back. She’d welcomed her death then, hoped, perhaps, that it might finally end…But she’d lived. She’d lived and endured, bolstered by the Commander’s kind heart and Oggurobb’s technological wonders…Senya sobbed all of this out, her calm shell utterly crushed into dust beneath her as Shae let her babble and wail, murmuring soft things in both Mando’a and Basic, and a dozen other languages that Senya only half-knew.

And yet…it was exactly what she’d needed.

Finally, finally, the sobs began to abate, the tears drying up because she was frightfully thirsty, her nose a red and snotty mess…and Shae, ever the calm soul, offered her a glass of water, and a handkerchief to blow her nose with. There was no judgement in those eyes, only gentle understanding, and despite her instincts…Senya leaned into the Mandalorian without a second thought, closing her eyes for a long moment to ease the burning. A warm blanket, soft, a gift from the Commander when the woman had learned that Senya had come to Odessen with nothing but the armor on her back, was draped around her, and Senya breathed in the scent of the detergent, grateful that whoever was cleaning things kept it a nice, soft scent.

“…thank you…” Her voice was barely a whisper, and Shae only tucked her closer, somehow wrapping around her for all that Senya was the taller, larger woman.

“Ba'gedet'ye. I hoped you’d have that while I was still here…I hoped that my visit would help a little. Arcann was worried about you anyway, but I’d intended to stop by and see you.” Senya felt her lips curve up, just a little, and she turned to look up at Shae, her eyes still red and sore, but faintly amused now as Shae shot her a crooked grin.

“…This wouldn’t have anything to do with my admission up in the cantina that night that I wish I’d married Torch rather than the Emperor…”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. I…frankly, Senya, you’re one of the few friends I’ve had in years that aren’t Clan…and Clan can be complicated. You…aren’t. You’re strong, so strong that it boggles my mind that you’ve endured so much with absolutely nothing more than steel resolve and the will to fight. And I grieve with you, because losing a child to death is terrible…but losing one to madness, that is true hell. I’m grateful that my adi, my daughters, they had quick deaths at the hands of their opponents; they didn’t suffer.

“Vaylin…I’m not in the least bit Force sensitive, and I can feel the pain and rage boiling off that kid. And I will do all I can to put an end to this…but I don’t want to lose you to it too. I…don’t want to lose you at all, Senya.” Shae paused at that, easing away, looking…well, worried, and Senya felt her cheeks flush again in a whole different feeling…one that she remembered all too well. But unlike Valkorion…Shae wouldn’t leave her like that. Wouldn’t just…fall quiet one day and ignore her pleas. Would not forget her... Senya gazed down at her hands, at how steady they were…and studied her heart too, closing her eyes and stilling her senses, searching both the Force and her own soul for the answer…

And on swift wings, it came.

“You won’t lose me.” She murmured, and Shae glanced back, eyes wide…and Senya took a chance, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to her cheek. “I…would like to try cin vhetin, if you’ll have me.” The look on Shae’s face was all the answer she needed, and they met in a kiss as soft as the one before, joy sparking between them as they wrapped around one another again.

“Welcome home, riduur…welcome home…now it’s time for mirjahaal, healing…No rush, no fuss, we take all the time we need. HK’ll shoot anyone who interrupts us.” Shae murmured, and Senya felt a smile tug at her lips, a chuckle sounding as the redhead laid back on the sofa, letting her snuggle into her love’s chest. She’d been aloft so long, an albatross lost among the stars…with Shae, she had found her nest…and with the Commander, a new purpose…and then she froze.

“…Arcann…”

“Kid’s fine, told me not to break your heart or he’d break my face. Sweet kid, glad you brought him back.” She blinked, and burst into weak laughter, and Shae joined her, the two of them curling back together as they chortled. “In all honesty, he’s fine with this.”

“Remind me to figure out a way to thank him?”

“Anything for you, riduur.”

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Tihaar — Strong Mando booze
> 
> Aaray — Pain (usually emotional)
> 
> Or'trikar — Grief
> 
> Mesh’la — Beautiful
> 
> Ba'gedet'ye — You’re welcome
> 
> Adi — Children, daughters
> 
> Cin vhetin — White snow, literally a new start as a Mandalorian. 
> 
> Riduur — Spouse, lover
> 
> Mirjahaal — Healing


End file.
